Owls are jerks. They are know-it-alls, and that’s why everyone hates them. Read a history book. But did you know that they don’t even like each other? And your tax dollars are about to exploit this weakness.
The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service has given a few lucky biologists a license to kill owls. Their goal is to save one species of owl by taking out another one. The barred owl has made its way from the eastern U.S. and is now muscling out native owl species on the West Coast. And much like it did in the 1990s East Coast-West Coast rap war, the federal government is choosing a side and going lethal. The hope is that if enough of the barred owls are killed off, they won’t bother the native owls so much.
We’d like to commend fellow war correspondent Natalie Jacewicz for this stellar description.
The barred owl has speckled brown wings, teddy bear eyes and a hoot that sounds like a puppy mouthing a sock. This one also has a red laser dot on its head. After getting a good look, Lowell Diller fires his rifle. The owl tumbles off its perch to the ground.
